From Underwater: When Encephalitis, Brain Injury and Epilepsy Change Everything.
A key word for me—and for all of us members of the brain-damaged tribe—is hope. Individuals and groups need that word. My brain remembers it; I can spell it and talk about it. In some odd ways, my mental adventure underwater has helped me live with hope.
Neurological adventures, anti-epileptic medications and their side effects, inner wars, words hiding in the let-me-house-your-nouns-until-you-need-them section of the brains, numb hands, numb feet, slow methods of processing how to answer an unexpected but simple question, and an exhausted electrical system in need of a nap when others want to run marathons—those realities could cause sadness. Sometimes they do. But as I stare at the MRI results, I remember. I actually do remember.
One word.
One four-letter word.
Hope.
Hope to continue. Hope in the brain and the Designer of that craftwork. Hope in hope—to live and breathe, to smile and care, to endure and not give up, to say the word epilepsy and spell it correctly, to believe, to continue this voyage.
Kathleen Norris wrote about that four-letter word: “But hope has an astonishing resilience and strength. Its very persistence in our hearts indicates that it is not a tonic for wishful thinkers but the ground on which realists stand.”
Instead of dwelling on the scar tissue’s disruption of the brain’s ideal design, I recall those conversations when staring at my test results. The MRI revealed reality—often hidden, but now on a screen visible for my eyes to see. Clear enough for my brain to understand. Raw enough for even me to remember.
A screen of scars. A revelation of reality. A narrative by image. A case by science.
A brain—created artistically, though damaged now, though unable to function as intended, though wounded. The electrical system fascinates, finds, labors, and, at times, overreacts in an action known as seizures. But, through even that, the art amazes me. Cells are determined to work hard and well and together, even if sometimes they work too hard.
Medication and conversations and writing help this scarred brain to see more than the gray. It notices a quest abounding in hope among the storms.
And that hope allows me to sometimes lie down and be still, even when not being tested for the latest revelation of damage. To ride the waves. To rest in the underwater adventure. To hear of hope and breathe. To notice the images all around and appreciate the wonder of now.
I think hope is one of the things that keeps us going. Hope that is found in Jesus and that hope is sometimes all we can have nowadays. Your journey still amazes me Pastor Chris
Hope, such a powerful word. I like to think of hope as a ray of light that can shine through even the darkest of storms. I am often amazed at just how much hope can do. Hope is a life changing, inspiring, motivation that can turn the “I cannot” into “I can.” Hope is not limited; it can be so many things for so many people. Hope doesn’t look the same for everyone nor does the way we receive it look the same. For some people hope might be health, for some mental clarity, for others it might be a word spoken by a friend or a stranger. Hope is unique and individualistic, yet for everyone. But the greatest hope of all is the one found in Jesus Christ. The hope that even when we lose those, we love that they will have an eternal security because they made a friend in Jesus. When we have to say goodbye, our hope is that it is not forever but only for a little while. Hope for me has changed so much over the last few months… but through it all my true hope is found in Jesus!
Your message of hope is truly inspiring and encouraging to hear. Being able to overcome the scars and the storm of life, can’t be done without a life lived with hope and faith in Jesus. Your story gives me hope that I’ll able to overcome the struggles of life.
It is so important to have hope. Faith and hope go right alongside each other. This is why faith produces perseverance. Hope is what keeps us going and makes us even stronger in the storm. We have hope because God is with us, and with this hope of knowing God is with us, we are able to keep going. This is beautiful Pastor Chris.
I agree that one good word to hold onto to is hope! In this world, sometimes there is a lot of pain and suffering, but we have to remember who took the ultimate sacrifice for us! This helps us to hold onto the hope that we are not a lone. We can keep our eyes focused on Jesus, who has a perfect plan for us! When we have hope we are able to rest in The Truth! I loved this post!
You are an inspiration! It is easy to forget that we have no reason to not be hopeful. We were spared in the most incredible way by Jesus Christ, and he is there for us always! I loved what you said about how we sometimes just have to “ride the waves.” The waves are simply his plan for us, one that we should never resist or try to stray from!
We all put our hope in something. Putting our hope in Jesus is so much greater. He walks with us in ever trial and every season. It allows us to sit in the middle of the storm and not fear. Your testimony of hope is one that truly demonstrates its importance in our lives.
It’s so easy to moan and grope in our weaknesses but Pastor you keep pushing through! That says a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever once heard you complain about your health and yet you still continue to encourage those around you. I wish I did a lot less complaining and a lot more thanking.
I enjoyed how this was made. It does really open people’s eyes on what they are taking advantage of. Also, to have hope with God.
We all need hope to push on through. Without hope there cant be any strength to want to keep going, to want to push on through. Hope gives us the motivation to pursue righteousness.