From the book Equilibrium: 31 Ways to Stay Balanced on Life’s Uneven Surfaces.

Aware of hurts though not controlled by them allows us chances to face reality in healthy ways.

But what should we do? Here are three suggestions.

1. Write about your hurts.

Journaling can offer you a chance to release anger appropriately. If not released in a healthy way, it will either stay inside you—and damage you—or come out through your words and actions—and damage others. Take time to grieve as you write. Include emotions, hurts, and sad segments of your story. Also include steps toward healing. Believe that is possible, even as you write sentences of pain.

2. Talk about your hurts.

Writing them can be therapeutic. It also helps to talk about those painful stories with people you can trust. Find a counselor, a pastor, a mentor, a doctor. Let them ask difficult questions. Be honest. Talk about what you think about often. This allows you to have those stories come out in healthy ways instead of harmful ways. Talk about your hurts.

3. Say goodbye to your hurts.

We’ve all seen it. People say they want to move beyond their past hurts. But do they really? They choose to hold on to those pains. They don’t want to move beyond their grief. They like—though they don’t act like they like it—having that crutch, that excuse, that reason. Having something or someone to blame is easier at times than the equilibrium of moving on. Better days can be waiting for you. But you’ll only find those if you move on from where you’ve been stuck. Wave goodbye to the past.