From Equilibrium: 31 Ways to Stay Balanced on Life’s Uneven Surfaces.
Before we defend our stories, do we listen to the stories of others? Do we listen well to their stories?
I don’t mean a brief chat.
I mean deep dialogue.
Honest conversations. True confessions. Open ended questions and candid answers.
No hurries toward conclusions. No rapid defense mechanisms. No placing them in a bubble. No judging or rejecting or escaping.
Talking a little.
Listening well.
Today’s culture isn’t crafted to pursue listening. We prefer brief texts, short stories, one-word answers.
What do we need and crave, even when we’re afraid of it? Lengthy discussions at mealtime. Long walks with long talks, mingling peaceful and comfortable silence between the nouns and verbs. Eye to eye contact. Questions asked to confirm initial understanding is correct. More questions asked to see what might be, should be, could be done to rejoice or repent or receive or accept or forgive or understand or love.
Having a goal to truly hear and understand instead of insisting on ourselves being heard and understood.
Having a hope to create a climate of, “Yes, I care about you, and I want to hear your story.”
Do we create that climate for those around us?
Do we craft that mood for those around us?
This was really good. I need to work on listening better. My natural instinct is to try and help someone with a problem because I just want to help and offer advice. I realize I need to ask first if they want help or just want me to listen. Understanding is something I can work on as well. Just listening and putting myself in their shoes
I definitely agree that we need deep and honest conversations, and even confessions to promote accountability. My favorite thing is to listen to others, but something I struggle with is actually confessing and talking about things I go through to people I can trust. I put on a mask most of the time and act like everything is okay. I’ll talk about some things and confess with my husband, but then other times I catch myself not mentioning something that is bothering me, and one day explode from it, not meaning to cause him pain or hurt, but it does. I have an issue with communicating sometimes, but most of the time I always listen and will be there to listen.
I think that in this world that works to solve problems as quickly as possible, we have to remember to slow down that process. It is unrealistic to solve problems or heal that quickly, and if we do, it is probably more of a band-aid on the issue, not a real, genuine, wholly-healed situation. Slowing down to listen and truly figure out what needs worked on is the best thing we can do.
I enjoyed reading this blog post and think it explains today’s generation. We are so used to everything being handed to us when we ask for it and we never consider the blessings in the long term moments. It is so important to be that person that listens and waits for what is supposed to be said.
This post speaks volumes, I am a very good listener and have been the one many come to to vent and speak their mind as I am not one to say much but just be there for my friends and peers. Sometimes being able to be heard is also healing and is a good thing for us all to learn and become listeners.
Defensiveness truly runs rampant throughout our generation. Instead of hearing one another we are quick to plead our case and describe how it is that we feel and what we meant.
I enjoyed reading this. It reminds me of how i need to communicate more and how I can do more to help my relationships with people
I agree that in our culture today we have a harder time listening. In our culture, we want to be nice and ask how the other person is doing, but we are automatically expecting them to say good. We are hoping that they say that they are doing good so we do not have to stop and actually talk to them. I believe we need to do the opposite. It is important that we slow down and truly talk to the people around us to have deep conversations. Conversations that lead to freedom! I loved this blog post!
I must say. I have learned a lot from silence and listening. There is much learning to be achieved from being the speaker but there is much learning to be done from being the listener. This post reminds me that a reason I struggle to listen to others is because it requires me to slow down. Maybe it will require me to open up and learn, realizing that it’s okay to not have it all figured out. How can I expect to help others If I fail to give them a chance to speak, and not only learn from them but let me express what is on their mind and heart?
Listening is so important and unfortunately, I think it’s something I struggle with. Reading this blog makes me once again realize it’s something I need to be better at, especially wanting to build connections with people and show people just how much I care about them.
I often catch myself formulating a response in the middle of a conversation. Our world of instant gratification has bred impatience, and I see that in myself. How much of a difference would it make if I just listened and then allowed silence while I thought on how to respond? Honestly, I believe it would make a huge difference. Not in the length of the conversation but in the quality. I want to be a place that others feel truly heard and don’t feel rushed through conversations.
Yes, this is hard for me sometimes. I have a bad habit of interrupting while I am in conversation with someone. This is very rude. I need to try harder not to do this. Listening is a good tool that I need practice at. Thank you for this blog, I found it to be a great read.
I don’t give much time to listen to people, nor do I give enough time to be listened too. I don’t slow down enough to process and listen to things. I myself am a product of an instant gratification world. I find it difficult to process things, maybe because I don’t like to struggle. I need to have deep conversations with people. I need to be someone’s ear, and I need someone to be mine. I’ll be praying for this.