Cry When You Need To

We shouldn’t trust our feelings. They are tricky. They are influenced by a variety of supervisors. They might be warning us or protecting us, or they might be luring us to take incorrect actions.

So, while we should not be controlled by our feelings, neither should we pretend they aren’t there. The next few chapters will help us comprehend appropriate ways to find balance in knowing how we feel, gaining an under- standing of why we feel that way, and what would be the best action plan to respond to those feelings.

We shouldn’t trust them. But let’s give them space.

Let’s begin with one emotion many cultures shun. Let’s grab a few tissues and prepare to shed a few tears.

“I’m sorry.” Those are words I often hear when offering pastoral care to someone. They are not admitting regret for improper behavior. They are apologizing for crying.

Isn’t it sad that we fail to learn the importance of facing sadness? Isn’t it gloomy that we often miss the healing of shedding tears?
I recently handed someone a Kleenex. “I don’t need that,” he said.

He began telling me his story. Initially, he kept the tissue at a distance. The rehearsed narrative stayed on level ground. It included hurt and disappointment, but it didn’t go into the rough terrain. He hoped to stay on the surface. He hoped to feel a little better after a light chat, while never plunging deep and never daring to shed tears.

He needed more, though. He needed a release. He needed to grieve.

I asked a specific question related to a time, a place, a conversation. He said, “I don’t know.”

I didn’t say anything then.

He didn’t say anything for a moment.

For a few moments.

I gently asked a similar question, offering a calm tone and a caring heart. He started to respond but didn’t. He started to respond but couldn’t.

He leaned his large arm toward his right knee where he had locked away the tissue. He grabbed it and finally looked directly at me. He said, “I might need this thing after all.”

He did. He needed that thing after all. Not the tissue, really. He needed to do that thing we often resist doing. He needed to cry. And he did.