What does it look like to chase a dream? What does it look like to pursue a calling that has been placed on our lives since before conception?
For me it looks like Nepal – 8000 miles away from what I know to be home. It looks like giving up everything. Pursuing my dreams looks like giving up comfort and the life I knew for my first 30 years.
Since I was little, I have dreamed of helping others and of making an impact on the world. I didn’t quite understand the magnitude of the calling that Papa God placed on my life and, to be quite honest, I still can’t fully grasp it.
Any time I was asked growing up, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” my answer was “I want to be a counselor!” I did not know exactly what a counselor did, but I knew they helped people in the deepest ways. It was a desire God had put in my heart from the time I was in my mother’s womb. As I got older, that dream just grew.
Life was not the easiest growing up. I moved around a lot, my family fell apart in crazy and intense ways, and I didn’t understand who I was. I had no idea of my identity. But through the hardships, drugs, alcohol, sex, and grasping at anything and everything that would fill the emptiness I held, I knew that Papa (1)
was so close! Sometimes it would anger me and I would dive deeper into all the wrong things, hoping He would give up on me and walk away.
Why did I do that? Why did I want Him to give up and walk away? It was simple. I didn’t believe I was worthy of His love. I didn’t believe I was enough. I didn’t understand that my identity hung on the fact that I was His. I didn’t understand the meaning of true, unconditional, pure, and selfless love.
It is amazing what happens when Papa rewires and reworks our thinking, our understanding, and our hearts. We begin to believe that we are worth more than the lies we believed. We begin to step into sonship and understand our place in kingdom. We begin to see that the destiny for our lives is simply to fall in love with our creator.
“Nepal is the open door to your destiny.” A friend of mine spoke to me a couple weeks before leaving the states for the first time to chase after the dreams that Papa had put on my heart years ago.
Six months ago Nepal was hardly on my radar! I had planned on going on the World Race but when Papa asked me to step away during a 10 day intense training camp to prepare for life on the field, I was a bit confused. He was asking for a completely different yes than the yes I had given just 5 months previous. But had I heard wrong?
I had given up my entire life – I had resigned from my job, sold my car, my home was about to be given to another, and He had asked me to give everything away. Walking away looked crazier than giving up everything to travel the world to 11 different countries in 11 months with people, family, I had literally just met face to face. I was leaving some of my best friends and for what? The unknown! One of the most amazing revelations I had was that even though it was unknown to me, my Papa knew it all and nothing was a surprise to Him!
While I was at training camp in October, Papa spoke “beauty for ashes” to me. I had heard this before but this time was different. He then began working on my heart and revealing my dreams in an entirely different way than I had ever experienced before. He confirmed Beauty For Ashes three times, by three different people, in three different situations, and two of them were specifically about Beauty For Ashes Nepal.
I did not have any idea what it was going to look like, but I left the World Race and started on an entirely different journey with Papa. He revealed and confirmed more of what He has created me for. He has wrecked my heart in a deeper way and has opened up doors that I did not even know existed. Nepal is an open door to my destiny and Beauty For Ashes is but just a part of the beginning of the rest of my forever!
Isaiah 61 is Beauty For Ashes heart’s cry! Our desire is to proclaim good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners, to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who grieve, to give them beauty for ashes. It has become a safe haven for beautiful women who have been swept aside, abused, and have been at risk for exploitation.
Beauty For Ashes is full of dreamers just like myself. The desire to know Papa in a more intimate way is the first dream that many of these beautiful women have. To know and understand Him deeper so they can disciple others the same is a dream that many hold in their hearts. One woman dreams of being a chef and another a lawyer. Others dream big for their families, for health, to be able to learn English, and even own their own home.
The dreams of the women of Beauty For Ashes are not much different from mine or yours. They are very real and the women here are given the opportunity to chase after those dreams. They are also learning how to walk in the authority as a daughter of the One True Father and to pursue Him before anything else.
Dreams are coming alive and are being fulfilled because Beauty For Ashes has taken a stand, has said yes to Father, and has gone full force after the women of Nepal to teach them of their identity. Our identity is in that of Father and no one else. He puts desires in our hearts to fulfill our destiny and live out our dreams.
What are dreams if we don’t live them out? Just good ideas wading in the streams of our minds and the currents of our hearts without anywhere to go. If we don’t actually live out the dreams that have been planted in our hearts and we never get to a place of birthing them, then they literally just lay dormant and stay good ideas until they eventually die rather than becoming the reality of our destiny. If the reality of your destiny comes to fruition, not only is your own life impacted, but the world around you and afar is impacted as well.
Leave your mark on the world! Let Papa use you in crazy, radical, impossible ways, and be a conduit of Love, for the sake of Love, releasing heaven on earth!
If you would like to know more about Beauty For Ashes Nepal or how you can get involved, please visit the website at beautyforashesnepal.com. You can also follow Beauty For Ashes Nepal on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest! If you would like to know more about my journey or information on how to partner with me, please check out my blog at kaylamarie85.wordpress.com!
(1) Papa for me is so intimate! It says in one simple little 4 letter word that I see Him as my protector, my provider, my Abba. He is the one that has my heart in the purest ways and He never lets me go. It is my way of saying I trust Him with the deepest parts of my heart and it is my way of verbally expressing my affection for Him!
Kayla’s story of her unexpected journey to Nepal is a compelling testament to God’s relentless pursuit of his beloved children. How inspiring to realize that God’s dreams are planted in His children when we are still in our mother’s wombs. But, He gives us free will to choose whether to let them lay dormant and eventually die, or to say “yes” and embrace the most meaningful, fulfilling life possible. I choose “yes!”
Thank you, Kayla, for sharing your dreams with us.
This is a powerful story that I have just read. I sometimes believe that God is speaking to me in the same way. God has called me to teach history and help all people who are overweight or obese. Kayla, this was not the intended path I was on 10 years ago. I know one thing that is for sure, when God speaks, we have to listen and obey. My mission may is not in Nepal or any other foreign country, but right here in Georgia. I will adhere to what Father God is telling me. I want to thank you for this blog. God bless and keep the faith.
Kayla’s story is inspirational because it confronts our self-sufficiency and pride. Kayla writes: “Since I was little, I have dreamed of helping others and of making an impact on the world.” For the Christian, both the desires of our hearts and God’s secret will for our lives are not isolated but coordinated acts. Proverbs 19: 21 says – “There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand.” Like many gifted and talented Christians that pursue hard after God, Kayla mentions that she had been intensively training for the World Race but became compelled to step away. She said “Walking away looked crazier than giving up everything to travel the world to 11 different countries in 11 months with people, family, I had literally just met face to face.” However, in reflecting on her decision some time later, she said “He has wrecked my heart in a deeper way and has opened up doors that I did not even know existed.” Jesus taught that true happiness and eternal life is not found in one’s possessions. In one of his teachings directed towards the Jews, Jesus said: “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority.” Here Jesus exhorts his hearers to submit to the revealed truth (i.e., what we already believe to be true about God, Rom. 1-2) by obedience – and it is only by total surrender and obedience do we learn and thereby grow to love and forgive others (and ourselves) from the heart (Matt. 18: 35). Kayla’s story is a good testimony to the world (1 Pet. 2: 15) and fellow Christians that already know they have a calling on their lives to a life of hope and joy. Rather than fearing God’s call and running away, we should embrace His promises to us in the word and live in faith.
One of the biggest struggles I see in the Christian community is self doubt and a false sense of identification. Kayla said it perfect when she talks about God rewiring our thinking. It is amazing how worthy we are in God’s eyes, even while we are still sinners! It’s so comforting to realize that God’s mercy and grace free us from the bondage we deserve.
This is an awesome article. The last paragraph and statement really does an awesome job in summing up the challenge to step in faith this post gives. It shows succes by Gods hand and I know I need to also seek and push towards this step in faith and towards God.
One of the most questions I’m asked and have heard is what are we going to do after school. For the past few years my answer has been a Youth Pastor. Now I think about my passions, my abilities, and my giftings, it may be different. And now as I think about it, I believe it’s okay for me not to know exactly what I’m going to be doing just yet. It gives me an opportunity to widen my options and get more experience in other areas to be more prepared in life.
Man!!! that’s some intense stuff! It reminds me of the story of Abraham when God told him to leave the land of Chaldea and the city of Ur. It’s amazing how much God can use us when we are willing. Sometimes it’s hard to hear the Holy Spirit, not going to lie, but the fact that God used three people to confirm Beauty for Ashes is incredible. This is a great testimony and I can’t wait to see what else God has planned for you.
Kayla’s story is truly inspiring. I am always asked what I will pursue a career in after college and my answer has always been the same–A teacher. I have also thought about pursuing a career in counseling. I can relate to Kayla in many ways with her heart for others, and helping others. Throughout this article Kayla talks about having to trust “Papa” and his will for us. I also love how no matter what we do God still has unconditional love for each and every one of us. We are all sinners and it continues to amaze me how God’s love for us never dies.
I can so relate to this blog. Sometimes we question, God is this really you? I know I question everyday asking God was this really him or was it myself? This article is beautiful because Kayla knew and she followed. Even though we choose to want to walk in our sin, God chooses to call us out of it and it is a wonderful thing. God’s grace for us is so hard to understand because we sometimes do not want to have grace for ourselves. I am so thankful to serve a big God like Kayla serves.
This was a wonderful read. It encouraged me to remember to allow Gd to change my mindsets and to also remember that I am a son. As his son I have to know and believe that he is leading and guiding me down a good path. Although it may be costly. I have to remain encouraged in Him and trust his guidance.