(poetic confession written after counseling a friend many years ago)
groping still
for coping skills
that permanently alter pain.
for coping skills
that permanently alter pain.
too often the ticks
only complicate the tension
plunging me into a maze
of hostile design
and hidden doubt;
nailing me to the scaffold
of relentless pursuit
and restless poverty.
only complicate the tension
plunging me into a maze
of hostile design
and hidden doubt;
nailing me to the scaffold
of relentless pursuit
and restless poverty.
as endless debts accrue
i know not what to do;
my cleverness perishes in a
demanding deluge of
alienation, consequences,
obligation and simulation.
i know not what to do;
my cleverness perishes in a
demanding deluge of
alienation, consequences,
obligation and simulation.
masks cover hurt only on the surface.
medication numbs affliction only for a season;
a short season. a season
that melts into a reality of
greater grief and growing guilt.
within and without.
so close and so far.
victory and defeat.
medication numbs affliction only for a season;
a short season. a season
that melts into a reality of
greater grief and growing guilt.
within and without.
so close and so far.
victory and defeat.
i groan for redemption, for release.
can i live here?
will help arrive before it’s too late?
can i live here?
will help arrive before it’s too late?
I can attest to this poem. I had an addiction to porn and food. I wished that I would have had someone to confide in during this time. I did all kinds of ways to hide my porn addiction because I felt ashamed to let anyone know that I struggled in this area. I truly thank God for deliverance. The food addiction caused me to go on to have a gastric bypass surgery to curb my appetite. I have added years to my life for making the right decision. Addiction is a trick of the enemy to keep us Christians from God and all of his righteousness.
Addiction has been something that I used to define my life by. Pornography gripped me at the young age of eight years old, and plagued the secret parts of my life for a ling time, until the Lord in His goodness brought deliverance in my life. The addiction was fueled by so many things, from lack of self-esteem, to a longing for intimacy, to a just a wicked view of the gift that God has graciously blessed us with. It was like a chain wrapped around my heart, and honestly much like the subject of the poem, I lived with doubt for such a long time that I would ever be free. Glory to God, My Father, who by His grace was faithful to deliver me! Freedom is real, and He has shown me in countless ways the beauty of living a pure life in undefiled relationship with him.